Excommunication

I refused the Eucharist at Mass this evening for the first time since becoming a fully communing Catholic two years ago. In the Catholic Church, a parishioner must be free of mortal sin in order to partake in the Eucharist. (Mortal sin is believed to be the stuff that you go to hell for if you haven’t confessed and been forgiven of it before you die. The lesser sins are known as venial sins. Intent is a factor. Sort of like the difference between involuntary manslaughter and murder.)

It is believed to be a great sin to accept the Body and Blood unworthily. Catholics believe that the bread and wine literally, mysteriously are transformed into the real Body and Blood of Christ, so a recipient must be Sacramentally pure which involves one-time Sacraments (Baptism and Confirmation) and the frequent Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession, Absolution, and Penance).

The fact that my recent thoughts about religion have not been occasional fleeting thoughts, but have rather been intentional, embraced thoughts qualifies as mortal sin and therefore disqualifies me from the Eucharist. It would be dishonest and disrespectful of me to partake.

This was a difficult and big moment for me. I have yet to discuss these things with my wife, but obviously long-term concealment is not possible. If before I talk to her, she notices that I have excommunicated myself, she will certainly ask what’s going on. As soon as a Catholic recognizes that they have engaged in or are engaging in a mortal sin, they must go as soon as possible to Confession. So I won’t be able to just say, “Oh, I didn’t partake because I didn’t make it to Confession this week.” That would prompt her to hound me about getting to Confession as soon as possible. And it wouldn’t seem at all prudent to then say “No, I’m not going to Confession; I am engaging in a particular mortal sin which I don’t intend to give up.” All this to say, I have to figure out how I’m going to talk to her.