Humble Progress

I think that the temptation with any shift of thought is to characterize your new position as being better than any prior position held, and then to reflect on all prior experiences as having some way or other contributed to this ultimately positive “progression”. I seem to have thought that way at least over the last ten years with each step. But of course, I’m not too proud to acknowledge that this may be simply the result of a self-serving and flawed review of the actual data.

Being "right" about the meaning of life and the existence and character of God was not really part of my thought processes while growing up. I was a Christian and attended church, but it was not really a "fundamentalist" denomination...liberal-traditional is probably an appropriate term. My religious affiliations simply didn't occupy much of my brain space in those years and there was not a whole lot of practical day-to-day "fruit" of my Christianity. So, when I went to college, I sort of just dropped it completely initially...not intentionally choosing to be agnostic or atheist, just not practicing my religion.

But within a couple of years, I started sensing that "hunger" or "itch" to nail down what this life is supposed to be all about. Who is God? What is required or desired of me? What about afterlife? What is it that I really believe? How do I make decisions relating to morality? Etc.

I met a man who was a young baptist pastor. We became very close friends and he was very willing to converse with me about all of my ponderings. And of course, he had all the answers. I, not really having been trained to be a critical thinker in this realm, bought everything he was selling....hook, line, sinker. And of course, I was quite convinced that I was now..."right".

With everything I learned, I continued to "grow" and become more and more "right". When I encountered people who disagreed, I was taught to view that as even further confirmation of my rightness.

Then my wife got pregnant and we started looking into the matter of infant baptism. I wanted to believe in it, so lo and behold, all of the arguments for it made sense to me. I became presbyterian. And while all of my old baptist friends and experiences had been immensely helpful, I was now more..."right" and looked on those people and experiences as having been lacking.

Then I ran across some folks who were writing and conversing about infant communion. I wanted to believe in it, so lo and behold, all of the arguments for it made sense to me. I became a version of presbyterian that encouraged paedocommunion. And while all of my regular presbyterian friends and experiences had been helpful, I was now more..."right".

Then I was exposed to some perspectives on the Catholic Church which seemed to warrant consideration. I did not want to be Catholic, but I looked into the arguments, and in spite of my resistance, I was won over by the argument from priestly succession and legitimate authoritative tradition. I became Catholic. And while all of my old Protestant friends and experiences had been immensely helpful, I was now more..."right".

It had all been part of "maturing" and "progressing" because that way of looking back made my shifts seem okay. I was able to rest easy knowing that I was becoming more wise, more right...leaving behind ignorance and misunderstandings.

I suppose all of that posturing was okay. I suppose we do that in other areas besides religion as well.

But I know for sure that I could have sprinkled in way, way more humility with all of my "progressions".

I am certainly trying to do that now, with my shift completely away from supernatural faith. I want to think that my atheism is the result of more maturity and progress of thought, but I have to reserve a bit of skepticism about my progressions in light of my past experiences with "progress".