Why don't you believe?

I had an "aha" moment today with regard to my newly acknowledged religious disbelief.

One of the first conditioning drills a new Christian is supposed to do is become familiar with basic arguments or reasons for his faith (apologetics), and become comfortable sharing these (intermingled with personal testimony) with friends, family, and strangers. Surely, the primary reason for this early drill is so that the new convert won't be easily persuaded to abandon his newfound faith. I think a secondary reason for this is so that when a Christian begins to express doubts, a mentor can quickly gain leverage for reigning him in by pointing out that the doubter has not spent sufficient time reflecting on the Truth. In other words, the person has not equipped himself properly to answer his own internal question of "why do I believe?"

Well, surely I don't have to point out that this method is rather generic and can be applied to any number of varying sects, religious or otherwise.

My "aha" moment today came when I thought back on a "conversion" experience in college. I had been baptized as an infant and was raised attending church, but I didn't have a very serious Christian faith and so when I went to college, I abandoned religion in general. During college, for a variety of possible reasons, I began pondering "the meaning of life" and instinctively turned to what was most familiar...Christianity. Only this time, I was ready to really "dig in" and invest myself, taking on the mantle with full vigour. This experience resulted in ten years of rather active Christianity which in my life is ending before your very eyes in this journal.

As I thought back on that conversion experience, it occured to me that the reason I was so ready to be persuaded by Christianity was that I had not spent enough time familiarizing myself with the basic arguments or reasons for my lack of faith. I was not ready to defend myself when I was confronted with a nice-sounding alternative.

It seems that I abandoned my agnosticism because of ignorance.

Some Christian friends might want to offer this answer when asked why I have "de-converted": "He didn't pray enough, or read the Bible enough, or understand his faith enough." But "aha", I should have been answering challengers to my Christian faith all along by saying, "I am a Christian because I did not spend enough time reflecting on the truth."

For what it's worth, scientists have offered a real explanation for "aha" moments:

CLICK HERE: It may not appear in the shape of a light bulb above your head, but researchers say "Aha!" moments are marked by a surge of electrical activity in the brain.